Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
I'm at breakfast still drunk holding a blow up parrot
apparently i ate an entire bag of goldfish, kissed some guy with a girlfriend who now wants to kill me, made my sister sleep in my bed with me while i wore no pants, and told my whole family i am pregnant with jonny's devil baby...never drinking again
Goodbye hot boy in my geo class...goodbye my lover, goodbye my friend. you have been the one, you have been the reason I came to claassss
Our whole friendship has just been time foreshadowing my dick in your mouth.
A small child is toddling around the store, holding a coloring book and a shot glass. Thinking of you.
I want to get my vag crammed with complete loss of every bit of dignity I have left by this man from every angle on every flat surface that exists. That is all.
Then you jumped in the pool because your were convinced the scratches on your neck from the cat were gills and you could breathe underwater.
I just flicked a lizard out of the window with a bud light in one hand and spatula inthe other...dont tell me you dont miss the south
We can do this. We've been drunk at a gay bar, we will not be taken down by a Tuesday.
I'm about to have a bowl of Advils... without any fucking milk.
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
gave out my moms phone number instead of mine last night... thattttttttttttttt dunk.
Going through his web history. 10 hours ago he searched "how to put on condom with your teeth" I think I'm getting it tonight.
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