He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
i feel like someone uncorked me like a wine bottle and pulled a living animal outta my arse.
Walk of Shame'd halfway down a mountain, skiiers passing. Do not drink with lifties at the end of ski season.
Nope. Daytime is texting time. Night time is you send me naked pictures time.
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Just saw pictures of a pregnant teen from my hometown with an American flag wrapped around her naked body posted on FB without irony. These are my roots.
You grinded and hooked up with a middle aged tiger woods look-a-like with manboobs. Tequila isn't for you.
He is dust bro dust in the wind I waited in this unlocked car long enough.
I WISH WE COULD PLAY THE DRINKING GAME TOGETHER AND THEN BANG FOR AMERICA.
A blind man just put his face in my cleavage. I'm also crying.
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I had to help him get his zipper down in front of his dad so he could pee in the bushes. That Is what moonshine does to you.
So a guy died and our dates revived him with CPR. Good night?
I had a really bad dream about us drinking this weekend. Remind me to tell you Friday when we start drinking
the only joy I get out of her anymore is hitting on her friends and ignoring her. it's chaos for them. like shaking a slutty ant farm
My night has consisted of googling cat penises and creating a Tinder profile.
just woke up on the floor with a bottle in my hand. and by bottle, i mean a baby bottle. half filled with tequila.
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