Are you trying to threaten my boobs?
if he only knew that in between each sext i was puking.
sorry i was making out with matt didn't mean for it to sound like that. there was no tone
there should be a new saying, don't text and tongue
i cant text you anymore tonight, God gave me two hands for two cups
This adderall has me convinced I'm an Econ major.
you better take a shot tonight for every cat you have ever seen and wanted. this is a lot of cats.
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
Still slightly drunk, sitting in Hyde park village. Two small children are dancing and singing "call me maybe" on the fountain in front of me. Am I hallucinating?
We drunkenly built a couch fort and fucked in it. I've known her since preschool. This was every childhood fantasy mixed with adult dreams come true.
Hey also tomorrow casually bring up wearing crocs to your sister's wedding
sex on a roof was cool and all but that superhero argument was the best part of the night hands down
he told me he wanted me to go see his cat. apparently i was more interested in playing with his cat then having sex.
Found out that I went to the same elementary school as the guy I'm hooking up with. Kosher or no
But we have bathrooms and they dont
Randomize
