All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
yea i guess its safe to say fire extinguishers are not synonymous with whip cream cans
scratch lunch, i just found about 7 more dicks drawn on my back
Taped crackers to the wall. Sat I'n the dryer. Bobby had to pull me out by my hair. No more.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Climbing through a window thats four feet off the ground isnt the easiest thing when youre high, trust me.
Somehow it went from suicide to pierced nipples. I think we're good.
i gave up on the vacation being fun the night i ate all the marshamallows out of the lucky charms while everyone else was having sex in the condo
I told her shower beers are even better when you have someone in there with you and she said she's been looking for a new drinking buddy. It's a goooooo
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just ironed my gstring.. this is please fuck my brains out on a whole new level.
He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals
you never know what sharing a kayak could lead to
It's true
Oh, btw, UPS might come by. Drunk me ordered us $75 worth of gummy airhead starburst type candies. Whatever it is, it'll be delicious.
Anyone who can sit 4 hours in a doobie circle with their feet in a kiddie pool is ok by me
she crawled a good forty meters just to whisper in my ear... "dildon't"
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