Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
I don't talk to her anymore. I lit her birthday presents on fire. Who the fuck puts candles that close to tissue paper?
The drunk teletubby stumbling out of the place tipped me off..
Sitting in a bubble bath with my bong, how's your morning?
Look at my eyebrows in this pic! We deffo need to go back to that waxing place.
You have a cock in one hand and a shot in the other. Your eyebrows are not the topic in need of discussion.
Him cheating on his girlfriend resulted in a $1500 hospital bill from repeated blows to his testicles by my ass. They diagnosed his pain as "testicle trauma". Sex karma at it's finest.
New found love of volunteering, when there's free wine available at all times. Good times. And I get to to feel good about helping people.
How could she say that about my foreskin when she hasn't even seen all the cool stuff I can do with it?
one more hour of this work bullshit and I'm off to get high with your cat.
falling asleep on a hardwood floor changes a person
Real life skills section of my resume: blow jobs, food knowledge trivia, sarcasm, mascaera application, sexting, tolerance of rail liquors
I have filthy fantasies involving his tongue. My vagina almost exploded while he was licking that ice cream cone.
and by running errands I mean eating an entire bag of milanos by myself in the Walmart parking lot
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