What can I say...he's packing some serious heat down there. You wouldn't expect that looking at him, huh?
I guess God knew he was going to be bald...
Went to bed at 4 in a strangers bed. woke up wearing scrubs, realized i was gonna be late for work so i just wore the same clothes as the day before... i don't have a toothbrush and im pretty sure there is leftover semen in my mouth. at some point i think i was at the beach cuz theres is sand in my underwear. i love newport already.
took out my tampon, fucked him, and put a new one back in all before he realized I was on my period. beat that one bitch.
I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
Absolutely. Last time I signed up for a softball league I had sex with my high school economics teacher.
she's living proof man. somebody has literally pissed in the gene pool
You didn't know it was a gay bar until the 7th guy rejected you. You were crying because you thought it was just a bad night. No more for you.
so, give him that "thank you for fighting for my freedom bj" & he wont even remember what you said in that six min voice mail.
I'm not gonna lie; I was dosed with mushrooms and am eating pickles with a guy in all white. It's weird, but I'm down. Help.
Nhl reached an agreement. I plan on getting me some celebratory sex from a hockey player.
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
Fucking holidays. How do I have this many men who want to fuck me and none of them are available when I'm ready to blow my top?
she's fucked both of my roommates but not me. i feel like I'm not part of the group anymore
Haha never eat brownies from a guy with batman pajamas
i was so blazed last night that i kept imagining a talking eagle sitting next to me encouraging me to smoke more... i listened to it.
Randomize
