the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
That's why Kanye is a gay fish.
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
im sitting in the back of my pickup eating an artichoke. please come find me, im scared.
that was a mass text, wasnt it?
you tried to pee on a squirrel and everyone saw. you've got some serious untagging to do
Osama's death just kick started our Cinco de mayo celebration. Margaritas for anyone wearing red white and blue!
It's 2:30 on a Friday afternoon. It's snowing and must be about 20 degrees outside. I'm sitting in this class with 300 people using up every ounce of energy and willpower not to puke all over the girl in front of me. This has got to stop.
They should make a traveling bouncer service to remove unwanted people from your house without getting the cops involved. That sums up my Friday.
Take a good hard look at your life. And the number of 18-20 year olds that you have made out with in the last 6 months... and then keep doing whatever the fuck you want.
Omg drank too much. Threw up in my Santa hat on the train and then of course it leaked all over me.
I hooked up with a guy named Quan.. I literally hit the Quan
You gotta do what you gotta do. Like how I gotta drive in the rain to go get chicken nuggets. I just gotta.
It's gotten to the point that I'm pretty sure I'm going to need to be legally drunk before I enter the voting booth this year.
I've amended my previous statement: I'm not allowed to put in my two weeks till I ask out the waitress. Now I have motivation on two levels
We were talking about kinky shit, and I suggested a hand job in church.
How'd that go over?
Praise the lord and pass the lotion.
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