Billy Mays is dead, Vince Schlomi is in jail, who's going to sell me useful gadgets at ridiculously low prices now?!
I have had it with that bitchy sack of crazy. Iam done!
Clothes are such an inconvenience.
Thanks for the ave Maria song you left on my phone that lasted for TEN minutes.
He is making me drink his THC water out of a milk jug.
Although I wish I was out drinking, this cough syrup has me slightly more optimistic than usual.. I heavily debating trying to find mystical creatures and selling them to rich people as pets
Just found a bag of weed nailed to the door that my dealer dropped off since I wasn't home. God I love Boulder.
Puking on the side of the road and legitimately just got a head nod and thumbs up from an 80 year old man on a Segway... What the fuck?
if you fuck our toilet off the wall again, i'm going to be so mad.
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
Holy shit I'm 26! That took an embarrassingly long time to figure it out, I need to keep buyin weed from this kid
My intervention, when it happens, should have vanilla cake....buttermilk icing.
Learning to live poor pretty well. Cashed in all the coins in my car for nearly 60 bucks and yelled at a Pizza Hut manager, insisting I have a free pizza credit, until he just gave me a pizza.
I was fingering her and they busted into my room demanding to know who the best running back was, before I could say anything she moaned and said "Barry Sanders"
Do you know anything about how the saran wrap ended up on my toilet seat?
Randomize
