i'm pissing behind 7/11. if you guys leave... i'll think it's funny too
There is a mermaid on oprah and she looks nothin like ariel
The idea of snorting emergen-c actually just crossed my mind.
javelin tossed one of my crutches in to the mosh pit at the concert, hit some dude in the temple hahah fuck him he sucks
Last night I was this close to hooking up with someone called "Handjob Pat" dubbed for the time he paid $150 for a handjob in Canada.
I should rephrase... I'm trying to not sit on other peoples faces besides my boyfriends.
After what I experienced at 6am this morning, all I can say is chew your noodles thoroughly.
my mom tried to talk to me about my drinking, i somehow turned it around on her, now shes going to AA and I'm going to the bar.
Peeing out the car window on the way home was a nice touch. In December, in Michigan, at 3am. Never seen a girl do that before. Neither had the guy in the minivan next to us.
Do you know how hard it is to put a bandaid on a vagina?
But really, someone with a penis give me attention before I start posting nudes on Instagram.
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
We found you walking up the on ramp to the highway carrying a 40 mph speed limit sign with no shoes on. Rough night?
I'm too depressed to drink my wine. That is what I would call a serious problem
I think the cats may be lesbians. It could just be a two hour mutual bath but it sure looks like a 69.
Randomize
