he just texted me two pictures of his dick. i feel i should rethink whatever vibe im obviously giving out
so is it as big as he says?
he put a tube of toothpaste next to it as a reference. it looks legit
i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
I was arrested last night for attempting to flee and elude. I wasn't really trying to run from the police. I was drunk and lost in the woods. I thought it was pretty obvious when I was waving at them from my puddle of puke that I wasn't really hiding.
God, you're like boner-b-gone
I feel like a great embryo-shaped weight has been lifted off my shoulders.
Bob the builder, bob the uilder bob the builder bbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbjbbbbbiotch!pp!!!!
I never thought your mom would see me throwing up on my hands and knees in your front yard
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
I'm sitting here in nothing but my panties, eating beef jerky and reese's for breakfast.Today is not the day to expect me to make sound life decisions.
I'm going to tattoo a maze on my back for the next fucker that tries to blow early ....
seriously considering responding to a craigslist ad for a lesbian cunninlingus instructor...at this point i'm so desperate for a job that i'm willing to switch teams.
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
It's a "nonproductive" (vocab word) cough. It's like a constant tickle in my throat, like there's a little elf with feathers for feet going Gangnam style on my "uvula" (vocab word).
So besides your brother walking in on you shaving and singing "I'm gonna get asssss" how was your night
Can you send me the picture you took of me smoking a joint with the cat make-up on?
Randomize
