jackpot. dress really slutty so he knows you mean business
My phone has seen less use in the last three days than Tom Brady's condoms.
I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
just saw an anti-abortion rally outside of the courthouse...so naturally i tossed them out a coat hanger i found in my car
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Is it awkward to ask someone I've slept with to officiate my wedding?
I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?
Can I color on your dick again?
I met her at the quidditch match. She was the snitch and I caught her. After at the bar she walked up grabbed my hand and said snitches have flesh memories.
I just traded 5 cigarettes for a sandwich on they greyhound.You owe me 5 cigarettes. I told you I would get hungry.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He's taking me to Tao. This is going to be so weird. How do you go on a first date with a guy that has seen you naked more times than clothed?
in the midst of studying i picked up my capsule full of untouched weed, popped it open, and whispered "soon" into it. midterms man
No like he has curves. I remember thinking he had a nicer body than me
Nick's drunk off his ass and Kyle just Texted me and all he said was "butt pirates from space".
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
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