We may have a problem that even dr. phil cant solve
I am NOT getting arrested in a batman mask
Thank you for holding my vodka while the police let me ride their horse.
you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
on the way to work, i saw an empty wine bottle sitting in the middle of an intersection. i thought of you.
i can respect that.
I don't have the urge to be a home-wrecker with these two. I think I've grown, don't you?
I'd hate to be 100% hetero. Pretty sure they have less orgies
When the cops pulled up I just stood flat against the fence with my hands up while yelling out,"I'm a tree!!"...
I'm more of a 'talk at me while I stare at you' kinda girl.
Ryan got so drunk he gave a hobo $20 and I had to zip tie him to the bed so he doesn't out stupid himself
Watching Faye Reagan porn all weekend for St Patty's day. Nothing has ever seemed more appropriate.
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
Like he was trying to be sexy but he had shit taste in porn so i left
He left cushions on my floor, chocolate on my bra and unexplained scratches on my thighs. I think this one might get a second date.
Randomize
