Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
8am blowjobs give a whole new meaning to morning breath..
just had a memory of me telling homeless mark that it was the year of the bunny and he said "you da bunny, girl"
You don't have to believe me. My vagina knows it happened.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just bought a 17 year old 40's while wearing a poncho. This behavior is acceptable until I'm 25.
Just spent the last 5 minutes laughing at my epipen. i think i'm too high.
Well the good news is my "i'm an adult" dinner party went well, they all brought wine and complimented my cooking abilities. the bad news is i woke up with the leftovers in my bed/on my face
On a separate but also a very relevant note, can we practice drinking wine like real people?
Give him a trash can and a welcome home balloon, he will be good.
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Being invited to eat tater tots at 1:30am by a rly hot girl then actually only eating tater tots is a major let down. Tasty, but still a let down
He left in the middle of the night, he left his shoes behind and stole my doc martens..size 6 female. Wtf?
Oh you know..Chillin with your dad.
With a fannypack full of drugs.
You merely adopted the alcohol. I was born into it. Molded by it. I didn't see the hang over until I was a man and by then it was only blinding.
And he listens to me when I talk to him like the hulk.
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
Randomize