im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
I do no wrong. I am always right. Right? I forget why I am sending this. It seemed relevant.
You're only the seventh guy she's ever kissed. Somesones gunna get EPICALLY stalked
so all night Ive been that girl with her tits out @ the bar. I mean I dropped jaws, yo. But in a classy way.
IS FOOTBALL GONNA SUCK HIS DICK? NO, IT IS NOT
It was also my first failed attempt at shower sex.
At a St Pats house party. Just raised $110 for two short chicks to crawl into a dog cage together. Video forthcoming. Respect.
What I love about college? The kid tripping balls has a kayak made readily available to him on any given Wednesday, Saturday, or Sunday.
on the subway to an interview & there's a dude doing whippits out of a cheese wil can
My face feels like its stuck between a ball sack and an asshole.
Jimmy johns delivers to the bar behind work. Happy vodka day!
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
I bought the restaurant a boat airhorn to wake up sleeping employees.
I love you
Just burnt my tongue. Not sure if it will help or hurt giving blow jobs
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