You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
Someone is gonna learn how to start an IV in the morning
I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
The woman at the bus stop told me i smell delicious and asked if i wear cotton then proceeded to tell me about her shellfish allergy
It's a sign that no dudes december is about to start: I have a yeast infection.
my pupils became my eyes and i slept with a cloth in my mouth again
Not genetic. He's drunk and texted me a dick pic. Not genetic. Thank God!
I just did a jell-o shot with my grandmother. I can die now..
My ex came over to hook up...then I went on a date 2 hours later and got a bj. Single: Finally doing it right.
Do you think they'll deliver pizza to my mouth
I was really hoping my 420 would involve a lot more weed and a lot less buttholes
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed
What happened last night? All I know is that I walked into class this morning and everyone was chanting my name.
He told me that he had never gotten a blow job. I sat there for a second, then thought "I MUST FIX THIS!" It was fucking fantastic.
Wakes up in a cold sweat at 3am, 136 unread messages and the preview on the notification is "I JUST GOT TO THE INCEST PART"
Randomize
