That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
I smell stomach acid.
Everything that you guys said happened came back to me. like a tidal wave of regret.
I just wanted to share with you that my life has come to naked arts and crafts, to fix my flask, with a rum and coke in my hand... Good luck on your exam
My only downfall is that I can only take shots in twos.
Stripper with the black hair and lip rings is still asleep. Found out she wasn't lying when she said she was a squirter, it was like splash mountain.
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
Dude. I might have just seen some porn i wasnt ready to see. The chicks were so old.
he used the hotel microwave to cook the 16" pizza he bought at the walmart deli
He used a "food city great value" card to cut it
I have a sixth sense for dads free balling in gym shorts
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
Should I go bust a nut on the beach
It's taking every bit of my restraint not to go to the store and buy chips and cake and like steal someone's dog. PMS is so weird.
Nothing like being naked and confused and clutching a scented candle...at least I woke up in my own bed though.
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