Oh my god he is having a sentimental moment right now.
He just sent me like a really heartfelt confession of love in which he ended with "make the apt, I'll hold your hand while you get your clit pierced."
I like the name aiden. he likes stella. I told him they're coming out of my vagina, and I will name them what I damn well please. Stella goes.
If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You know you need to hit the gym when you're not strong enough to get the cork outta the wine bottle. And you know you're a drunk when that's the only motivation to do exercises
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
I spent half an hour sculpting my pubes into a perfect triangle of really short hair, and the first thing he said when he saw it was "Don't you think you need a shave?"
Just bought a colored water bottle so my classmates can be so judgemental when I bring beer to class.
It tasted better than Jesus's hair.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
maybe i should limp back to therapy...
oh yeah will you also bring home vodka i wanna do shots on the roof
It was like if the scent of sour milk and burning tires had a baby in taste form.
We’re leaving where are you
Hold on Toxic just started playing
Dude she is fucking shit up. Her baby would be proud
She kept telling me that it pissed her off that i expect people to make out with me...then she made out with me. Win?
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
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