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went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
3 st and 6 ave. One dollar pitchers. Look out world.
i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
how does Santa get into Hogwarts?
I'm now in all their contact lists as "Pee-Pee Hands"...
I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
craigslist free llama. are you in or are you in?
Just saw a crackhead get taken down by pd in the canal. Its offically spring
Spent 200 bucks on a stripper for a good night hug. I give up.
I'm lying on the floor in the back room praying my boss doesn't come to work today.never again
Ignoring the crisis im in. Sitting in the front yard in a kiddie pool. Wearing arm floaties, fins and a snorkel. Waiting for a hot guy to walk by.
It's great having no responsibilities. In normal life I would be freaking the fuck out right about now. But the only worry I have from last night is where i got this shower caddy full of cookies. God I love college.
Remember that picture you sent me of you trying to eat the flower arrangement in the bathroom at that restaurant?
do you know where my other puke covered boot is
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