Please stop sending me picture messages of your shit. Seriously. I don't care if it looks like popcorn chicken.
ii just google-imaged 'sad turtle' and maggie gyllenhaal only came up once. what is the world coming to?
it was great that she threw up because that made me the only one trying to hook up with her
you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority
It'd be like medium rare by now.
I love how we're talking about your vagina like it's a piece of meat.
He offered but I said no. I didn't think it'd be cool to accept cupcakes in the mens room of a gentlemans club.
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
Hands down the most disgusting picture message ever received. Thank you.
im here for your entertainment
Oh god the guy I took underwear from at the bar is trying to add me as a friend on facebook now.
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
You know what a wolf looks like when it kills a small animal? How it shakes it around in it's mouth? I did that to a bag of Taco Bell last night
She said she's different now I guess anytime you get a bible tatt it automatically cancels out all the whoring you did for 10 years
I just got a lap dance from a sexy cop in return for giving him his sunglasses back. I think this is going to be the beginning of a really great friendship
He was more upset that I got into his phone than about getting caught cheating.
We went from him going down on me to swapping baby pictures of our moms.