I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
this is two weekends in a row I've been the pantsless girl at the party. I love my social life.
i guess that's what happens when you find your girlfriend at the zoo
And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
23 Absolutely Despicable Things That People Have Actually Done
fuck he's narrating my life in a british voice make him stop im way too fucking high for this
Took it a bit far last night. While leaving his house, I sent myself a text that said, 'you're still pretty"
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
We all told you to throw up but you just stuck your head in the toilet and screamed..
How long after mardi gras is it considered okay to wake up topless and wearing beads?
25 Disturbing Facts That Will Make You Question Everything
July fourth my place, drunken bubble slip n slide. Yes this is happening and yes I am 31
im not sure what exactly happened but i may need help faking my own death
Do you have any pix of it limp? I wanna see the metamorphosis, like a cock caterpillar turning into a giant beautiful cock butterfly!
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
Some lady found my secret pooping bathroom at work. Do I fight her Highlander style? I made or may not be fashioning a crude sword from seat covers and toilet paper rolls.
Do it. DO IT. There can be only one.
When you're high, you dance like an injured velociraptor.