im pretty sure one of the guys i was dancing with at graffiti wrote on my back "you rock". now feel like a danced with a 5 year old.
I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
the vast amounts of cleavage i'm sporting to my final says "no, I didn't study but don't worry I've got something lined up for when I don't graduate".
We found them in a dumpster making out trying to get their privacy
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I woke him up and he was mumbling something about it being moist, or he peed himself but it was okay.
I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
Got in a bar fight defending Prince. Thought you ought to know. He gets his dick sucked cooking eggs for breakfast.
He was having a "party in the princess castle." At what point do I blindfold him and take him to AA?
Just woke up. Naked. Under an animal pelt. With a girl. I've never met her. She's pretty naked too.
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He was pretty handsy. Told me I tasted like smoke. Good think he tasted that and not the stomach acid I just puked not ten minutes before.
Welp, I just herniated a vocal cord during sex. How was your night?
I haven't had an orgasm since 2014. So you cam see why I'm having a bad year.
He just yells "mush!" as they're having sex.
Clearly I'm trying to change the world one fuck at a time
you DO IT for the people
My ex's new gf is pregnant and he is sterile, so 2016 is starting off well.