I'm afraid that if I tell my sister I think Zachary Quinto is gay I'll have to put her on suicide watch for the next week or so
I admire the strength of friendship we have that allows for sharing husbands.
Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
the maid of honor just got in a fight with the mother of the bride at a gas station across the street. best. wedding. ever.
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I'd be surprised if he had a problem with boundaries after helicoptering his penis in front of you
He's probably hung over. I sure as hell am. I want to pop out my eyeballs with a fork and soak them in cold water
I would lick a homeless mans crack teeth for a cup of coffee right now.
I just mistook cooking oil for the whiskey that was also on the counter... They're the same colour. That was not a good shot... I need to not drink alone.
Nope my penis exudes pure oxygen in times of crisis.
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fuck Derek. I choose weed. weed isn't angry and would never ask me to be someone I'm not.
Hooked up with a guy that looked like Dean Thomas. Mediocre at best, but I stopped myself from calling him Dean in bed. So I got that going for me.
Brought some lesbians back to the light side of the force
Too stoned. Randomly can't get the image of Emilio estevez's smiling face out of my head. What is life.
I need to wash the frat house off of me
I've had more sex since the twins moved in than I'd had in the previous four years. They are the best wingman ever.