doesn't he have a GF?
that just means you have to try harder.
i didn't have to try TOO hard, just told him i didn't want to know his name or...
speaking of unleashing monsters, we need to get condoms
He famously once noted that women should wear white "like all other domestic appliances,"
Somehow I feel more guilty using her razor then I do having sex with her boyfriend...
we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
#1 lesson to be learned from mardi gras this year: lock your car doors or some grimy dude like me might just bang in it and use your backseat as a kleenex
All she said to me last night is that when her eyes roll back, to release my choke hold.
I think after that blow job he got the other day he'd set himself on fire if I asked.
I barely remember the girls that I got pregnant, you think I'm gunna remember the ones that played handball
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
Just got offered a dog by two Meth head's one of which wasn't wearing shoes and continually saying "fuck"
I threw up this morning to Silent Night playing in background. It was actually quite soothing.
I couldn't really understand you because you were really quiet and I said "I don't know what you're saying, it's kind of a big mumble" and you said "that sums up my life"
I seriously just had to blow dry my thong.
Eventually I will start sleeping with people who actually want to hangout with me the next day... But not today
Randomize
