Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
god, you should never be in the FBI. you'd give away america's secrets to any boy who asked.
ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
Well, I found my bra. It's in my glove compartment with a half-eaten Snickers bar and a Jesus bookmark.
I'm 50% sure my cousin put weed in these deviled eggs.
I knew no one else would have gone along with it since it's morally wrong and probably illegal. You said, "Yes. And let's add fireworks."
The bend and snap? 98% success rate of getting attention. When used appropriately, it has an 83% rate of return on a dinner invitation.
You gave him that scrunchie you made and called it your "sex offering".
I'm high. The text bubbles floating do no justice to the underwater experiences
Please don't bang more than two exes at a time, just so I won't get confused.
It's brunch. If you find dick at brunch. You an A+ hoe.
I’m making a jello mold of my penis
Will it be as disappointing as your actual penis?
Randomize
