my grandmother thought she vaccuumed up a quarter so she made me open the bag, dump it out on her front lawn, and dig through it. no quarter.
my mom just found my bong and asked what it was. I told her it was a hookah
and she bought it?!?
yeah...but her friends at work told her hookah was fun and now she wants to smoke it with me...im thinkin yes
I decided to follow my clitoris instead of my heart.
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
How was the party last night?
I'm dangerously close to shitting myself.
Note to self...boner negates all verbal agreements ...got it
Awkward sister question: which game of thrones female left would you fuck?
I just started the bonfire using a tampon. Who knew they could have multiple uses?
30-degree weather + Metal Cockring Monday = really hard to pee.
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
Not drinking until my bday. I know it's only a few days but it feels like when couples get celibate before the wedding and there's all that tension.
Come home... I’m drinking and playing with knives
woke up hungover this morning lying in a water raft covered in water.. i dont know if i should consider this good or bad
Randomize
