I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
Definitely just saw the guy I went on a date with Friday night dressed in medeival knight gear on the quad preparing for battle. Oh my God.
I feel like someone was just looking at my memory and took out an eraser and was like "nope he doesnt need that"
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
On the bright side since it was a Tuesday you weren't even in jail for the long! that could've been worse!
I'm pretty sure whiskey overrules bulimia in the eyes of Texas boys
It's official. 2011 is the year of sport fucking
Hey, I didn't ask that stripper to put her unds in my mouth, it was just covered by the plus package fee I ordered.
Honestly, I've had enough of his asshole to last me the new year.
Please tell me you're talking about his personality.
I promised him we could have sex if he would let me take him to the hospital to get stitches.
He's only giving you free adderall so you can focus on his dick.
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
Had sex outside for the third time last night. Mosquito bites all over my ass, and i think i have a rash on my nipples. When will i learn.
Just wait till winter
He said we were going to get fucked up in the woods so here we are
Randomize
