Heybabeimwearingurpanties
you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.
I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
I do have a life. It just consists of making scarves and chesse straws now
my vagina hasn't met your boyfriend yet ... makes me sad
This tiny Canadian guy just tipped me $20, a piece of gum, and a joint. I wasn't working. He literally tipped me for talking to him.
she's fucked both of my roommates but not me. i feel like I'm not part of the group anymore
God if that man would just have sex with me every time I got mad life would be so much easier...
Played never have I ever with high schoolers today. Needless to say they brought up threesomes so I had to make a judgement call and decided to not put my finger down
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text
I'm reading 50 shades of grey and masturbating while he's doing insulation downstairs. Maybe I can get him to bring me a sandwich
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
I wet willied a stranger last night didn’t I?
Randomize
