Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
so for future reference,at what point did you feel like a line had been crossed?
After me and my boyfriend broke up I had to resist the temptation to send a mass text to my booty calls saying "thank you for your patience. it will be rewarded."
Recent Google searches: "babu kangarooz"... "why 2 tacos bell" and "is dinosaur in real life"
Buying a large dominoes pizza for a wasted 3 mile walk is the best bad idea ever. My mouth is on fire, probably broke my hand, and i may or may not have eaten street pizza.
How did you break your hand eating pizza?
Boxes are hard to see rocks through.
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
i think the theme of this summer is "shitting in weird locations."
She was into my hawaiian shirt and id never made out with a dinosaur... I feel like it worked out for everyone
I'm really hot. went tanning and this cheeseburger shirt like isn't breathable
Dude at the bar last night came into the bathroom, drop kicked the stall open and start saying lines from happy Gilmore as he was shitting, "go in your home! Are you too good for your home?!"
It was like the icing on a beautiful fuck boy cake.
I wonder if my sister will drive me around while I do bong hits in the back seat..
We were making out and truffle butter was playing in the background. I stopped mid make out session and said, "I'm really sorry but I have to rap Nicki's part."
I HAVE TOO MICH DICK TALKING TO ME IDK WHAT TO DO.
Randomize
