I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
Do you reaalllllly want to put "porn editor" on your resume?
I sat a few seats down and one row behind a cute girl at the Cubs game today. Having watched her talk to the guy next to her, I found out only her name and age. I then used that information and pieced it together with over 500 girls on Facebook with the same name. I found the same girl, and we're now fbook friends.
if being a creepy fuck was an olympic sport, they'd think you were using performance enhancing drugs...
Just watched a porn with the dvd commentary on i think i need to re-evaluate my life
Just when I thought this night couldn't get any worse, my dad sang and dedicated Sexual Healing to me at kareoke night.
and i was just like oh shit i'm getting felt up by a 15 year old
during a bj, his alarm went off and he said "At the buzzer"
I'm gonna try Jim's breakup remedy this weekend.
Is that the one where you drink 3 cases of beer and rewatch as much WWE RAW as you can find? Or the one where you hookup with fatties on Craigslist?
Dude. Went to buy some jack and sailor Jerry, when the guy at the counter realized it was my birthday everybody in the store including the stoners and the elderly sang to me. Then they gave me shots of moonshine. 21st bday was a success
The UTI came back with a vengeance.
I got my period on eclipse day. I'm officially in line with the moon.
In my life time, I want nothing more than to get a blow job while watching Space Jam.
If my dildo had feelings, they. Would've deffinately been hurt. He put that toy to shame..
Can I borrow a thong? I’m having drinks with a cute boy tonight and I’m out of clean underwear
Randomize
