If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
I think I kinda wanna bone that ginger from Harry Potter.
You literally just made my flesh crawl.
It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
Its like after 6 beers, the clap doesn't scare me anymore.
dude you guys. You can't throw up in the recycling bin. I don't think vomit is recyclable
Dave a horae rider a coqw boy
I'm doing this for my boobs. They miss him.
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
Just rolled up to a matinee showing of THE HOBBIT. At the dollar theater. Alone. In sweats. With a fifth of sunnybrook and leftover pizza in a ziplock. There's a dude here in cape with his elderly mother. I'm handling this breakup FIIIIIINE.
Send me a pic of your kids to remind me why I have morals.
Dude just bought the table 3 bottles of champaign and broke one on the floor as his "signature" and he makes me want this recession hit harder
I told you you to bring something to share....you brought tequila and a condom
I NEED A MOM FRIEND. NOW.
SPICY FOODS AND BLOWJOBS DON'T MIX.
YOU SAID YOU'D TRY ANYTHING ONCE YOU LIAR
You're supposed to discourage my sluttiness not bring me hot Colombian men
Randomize
