Is there a reason "Call me when you're legal" is written on my arm? I'm 22..
im insabelyl wasted and diont know if ill yexyed tou. call me
I jsut got pulled over and passed the sobritaty test.
Good thing spelling doesn't count.
I should do something nice for her. Like sign her up for "What Not To Wear."
So my date night ended with us watching porn with his roommate.
Apparently there was a point in the night that they literally thought he was dead, ass naked on the floor. That bad.
EVERYONE CAN HEAR YOU FUCKING YOU ARE IN A TENT
I just used a baby fork as a roach clip. I am totally the cool aunt.
I've never felt more disgusting in my life. And I'm including the time I snuggled that homeless woman in the puddle of my whiskey vomit.
Lets start a coed nudist frat/sorority. It would be amazing. Or just an orgy club. It would also be amazing
Nope. Turns put my desperate group message for sex didn't work out.
Well you sent it to two guys who were roommates.
They could have rock paper scissored for it. My vagina = the prize.
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
Lost my anal v card with Peter Thiel's RNC speech on in the background. Unbelievably appropriate
I just sold Adderall to a priest, im not quite sure how I feel about this situation
Straight up just cock blocked my dad. Also this apple sauce is good.
Randomize
