Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
According to the stories I've heard I decided I was a stuntman after my 6th shot of Jack
No big deal, we were just two friends having sex. It's perfectly normal we don't remember. Water under the sex bridge,
If you're still on campus there's a jack and coke in the bathroom of fondren science Bldg. Too strong to bring to class.
cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
HEY. That drawer full of booze in my dorm room also has aspirin and Tums in it. So don't tell me I don't care about health.
Do you think it's safe to mix miralax with a tequila sunrise?
IN THE MIDDLE OF HOOKING UP, HE IS CALLED AWAY ON AN "EMERGENCY". FUCK THAT, MATT'S CAR IS NOT AS URGENT AS MY THIRST.
Update: That guy is no longer in the restroom, so he's probably not dead.
Didn't want to waste the cheese dust from the white cheddar popcorn, so I gave him a handjob, followed by the most delicious blowjob ever. Win-win.
Did I really make a PSA to that garage party that you wanted to bang him?
You gave a whole fucking speech. It was inspiring.
Hey, sorry for threatening to teabag your mom to death last night
if i hadn't ended our catfight by hugging you one of us might be dead right now
I just heard a crying baby from out my apartment window and yelled SAME
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
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