even a "fuck you" would be nice at this point.
Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
I just saw the host of Singled Out do standup. Holy shit 1995.
Why is there a shirtless guy in Walgreens and why is he probably looking for the same thing I am?
You better be watching. There will be a POP quiz. Each correct answer gains you 5 more minutes of the sexual act of your choice
We're at the hospital. She got a head rush and fell and now blood everywhere. Smoke the rest, just save her a bowl
We passed out in his car so I had to find a way to inconspiciously make my walk of shame back inside to go get my shit. To make things more difficult I had no pants and the whole neighborhood was awake
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
I just realized I donated our bong to goodwill.. RIP Kimbo Slice
You suck, She hit so hard.
My mom legitimately hired a private eye on me. DO YOU KNOW HOW EXCITING MY LIFE JUST GOT???
Tomorrow I need you to slap me in the face. I'll explain then
I went to the hospital to have my arm checked out, and they already knew the story. They gave me props for posting photos on facebook before even coming to the hospital.
I was just seen throwin up on the bookstore building near a trashcan by parents. Naturally I throw a thumbs up and say go college
Randomize
