Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients
Omg. There's def a kid, like 10 years old, sitting in a buggy at wal mart holding a sign that reads "I can't behave"
nothing cures the holiday blues like an open bar
I understand. Hypothetically what should one do after throwing up in the shower?
I guess on the plus side everyone really, really enjoyed my nipple clamps
Oh so it was one of those "I shouldn't have gotten in a cab with a random 21 year old girl" kinda nights.
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
I'm currently day drinking, studying and making corn. Don't tell me what I can't do.
Apparently I texted my high school english teacher asking her to tell me what logical fallacies she taught us three years ago.
I must have some kind of deep rooted instinct that tells me when a boys virginity needs to be taken.
hey dude my crackhead idol just taught me a great way to tie shoes
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
The doctor basically called me a dirty dick.
You are allergic to dogs. DO NOT kidnap something you are allergic to. No matter how fluffy.
Makes hanging out interesting when she lights you on fire just to roll ontop of you to 'put you out'.
Randomize
