you missed a midterm to shack? WOW. How desperate are you?
I kind of wish I was already fat. So I could eat all I want and not worry about getting fat. Cause I'd already be at that point.
I just wasted my iTunes Gift Card on a season pass for Hannah Montana. Bad decision?
chinese tourists just took a picture of me....im pretty sure i heard the bus drive say something about shame.
my shower just felt like jesus cried on me. like he shed tears just for my shower.
I woke him up and he was mumbling something about it being moist, or he peed himself but it was okay.
no, throwing your underwear at it is not the solution to everything
Bud light lime after 12 shots of vladdy is like frolickin in a meadow of sweet flavor
just tried to scoop ice cream with a steak knife. now in the emergency room with a the cab diver and the drag queen he picked up on the way. its gonna be a loooong day.
I mean, if there was a version of you with a penis, you'd fuck it...right? Like just outta curiosity at least
Adderal can only make me focus so much. Your ass is stronger than my medicine. Congratulations.
It's like the hunger games, but we're gonna bone each other instead of kill each other
I'm trying to cause a divorce, your hooking up with a felon, I think we need Jesus.
Stoner thoughts are the only thoughts I want to have now.
Decided to stay sober a couple days, learned how exceptionally stupid my coworkers are. Might have to quit now. Moral of the story:be careful where you go sober.
Randomize
