Mario Lopez is the poor mans Ryan Seacrest
Feel like bed is flying. Not sure where we're going. Hope there is candy.
guy at the corner shop gets out a bottle of tequilla and a pack of malboro light whenever he sees me through the door. makes me feel loved and cared for
He's my palate cleanser. He's my mint sorbet. He's my saltine cracker. He's who I fuck between people to make the next one better.
It's like alcoholism for beginners at my kitchen table.
She looked at it and said "your dick is like the golden gate bridge."
gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me.
not to be a dick but do you remember the names of all your friends i made out with after we broke up?
Wait does semen show up on blood tests?
What's the right thing to say when he sends me a picture of his penis ?
Also I just learned you, Samantha, and I three-way made out at my Halloween party. News to me.
i spent 45 minutes yellng Heather I feel so bad i wanna die and then 45 more yelling I DONT WANNT TO DIE. thats how drunk i was
DIBS ON THE NEW GUY.
NO. NO FUCKING YOUR COWORKERS
"he sent me a picture of a puppy in return for a picture of my boobs. He then captioned it with "look it's puppies first time at the beach". "
people keep driving by and judging me for drinking natty outside in my underwear at 9 am. rude.
Randomize
