Last night my friend tried to make out with me in an olive garden. Ahahah
Nothing says 'I love you' like never ending salad and breadsticks
My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
I just realized I use Twitter to keep of track of when I get drunk.
well when do great stories at the expense of people's relationships become a bad thing?
She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
Don't make this awkward for me. Don't let your mom come near the bathroom. I can't meet your mom for the first time while I'm shitting. Dont make this awkward.
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
I just took two shots of Burnerts out of a ladle. Get here now.
Apparently "dick me" was not the response he was looking for.
seriously though if NH has the largest penis size... the rest of America must be very disappointed.
He also wore a doorag last night so i had to swipe left.
So you're mad that I let you go home with the guy with soft hands but yet you can't understand that I was just trying to help you
I spent two entire hours explaining to a guy why I wouldn't make out with him. How was your night?
I am naked, and drinking straight gin with a flat tonic chaser. I had such greater hopes for myself as a child.
yea...tonic water is fucking gross.
I would offer you moral support, but I have questionable morals..
Randomize
