you dont need to remember merediths name haha. only jane
She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
Found a phone last night. Hope "daddy" gets picture messages
its totally unfair that im just as ill-prepared as a 16 year old but there's no tv show for 25 and pregnant.
I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
Just woke up and my doorbell is on my nightstand... the fuck?
You fucked her?! HER?!
She sent me a nudie pic with a bunch of weed nuggets all over her tits...what was I supposed to do? I don't hate America sir.
I don't listen when you talk. I just try to find new creative ways to get you to send me naked pictures.
If we order a pizza and I contribute 9 cents, is that fair?
sex in a hospital.. check
He's standing in the corner rubbing his nipples and reflecting on poor life choices
I would offer you moral support, but I have questionable morals..
She's got a shotglass necklace, running down the street asking people to "fill her up". Get here.
Randomize
