real busy. everything is packed. thats why we ended up at the strip club
Awesome. Ask her out.
Nope. She's got a detail of ed hardy security around her.
We may or may not have a drunk cat on our hands.
My favorite part was when he stopped, looked up in the middle of performing oral sex and asked, "you did know it was Arbor Day, right?"
Let's play a little game of "Last Night Never Happened"
They tried. Someone started to yell beer shower but he spun around and punched them in the mouth before they even finished saying beer. He's a fast little drunk.
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
Who needs sounds of the ocean? I just fall asleep to whatever chubby he is banging next door.
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
I like her because we want the same things out of life AND she actually wants to have sex with me.
The ONLY reason I am doing laundry is because all my sweatpants are dirty.
i want to platonically make out with them, platonically. in the back of this minivan
It's situations like these that make me climb out of windows
So why exactly are your shoes in my freezer?
Idk what y'all are doing but I just want you to know I'm home and if I hear him say "slap it" one more time I'm moving out
Randomize
