Di me a solid and hit me with your car.
hey just checking if u still hate me for sleeping with your sister?
Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
All signs point to mom being high. 1) making chicken at 2 am. 2) dancing to smooth jazz. 3) she asked where the peanut butter was
my step dad just called me a drunken slut..someone in my family finally understands me
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
making out was so insane. it felt like our tongues were paintbrushes made of waves and we were painting an ocean galazy
I'm just so happy. I go to sleep and when I wake up there will be chocolate milk and penis.
How the fuck you gonna play love don't cost a thing in a strip club?
i woke up to you and that girl going out onto the balcony naked
oh sorry man.. we went outside because we DIDN'T want to wake you
My most recent midlife crisis involved eating a doughnut in 30 seconds but taking 5 minutes to do half a shot of whiskey, then deciding I wasn't going to finish it.
I think you should do the fixer upper relationship. Like lawyers do pro bono work with underserved populations, you can do pro bono relationship work.
Just spent the morning washing Bailey's and Guiness out of my clothes -_-
What happens if you die with an erection? Does it stay hard? Disclaimer: I'm high.
Also, next time I go get a wax, I'm gonna ask the girl about the innie to outie ratio she sees on the daily.
Randomize
