Just met someone from Jersey. No fist pumps or jagerbombs. Kind of disappointed...
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
So, I found out he was eating a jolly rancher while eating me out.. Hence the yeast infection.
In one night, this kid threw a firecracker under a fucking cop car, crashed three seperate parties, and passed out in a tree in our backyard. Do you even know who he is?
If you hook up with your cousin you will permanently be my favorite person ever.
Shirtless guy staggering down the sidewalk, puking into a Prada shopping bag. Ahhh, the walk of shame in Boystown.
If his smile makes you freak out and drop things imagine what his penis could do
I'm convinced he's the patron saint of oral sex
She took all the bottles out of the shower caddy and replaced them with booze. I just made a shower Manhatten. Imma marry this one.
He told me I had smoking hot areolas then he wins an executive of the year award. How does that even happen?
Why are you barefoot at a strip club?
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
If the multiverse is real, would you screw yourself? I'd screw myself.
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