dude, wtf is with her now? she has stuff up about how i am kicking her while she's down
wtf? who are you bitching about me to now?
Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
My boobs are too big for things to be going this downhill in my life.
I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
due to concerns over safety, the theme of the 'naked fondue party' has now been changed to the 'naked fondue party with optional apron' please b.y.o.apron. extra prizes for most creative apron.
just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
should i be impressed or disgusted that i was spitting glow-in-the-dark?
I asked for a dramatic "funeral" look for my makeup. They judged me.
It's alright she couldn't hear you. Her legs were over her ears
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
Wake up. Pour coffee. Open blinds. Guy is skipping class and jacking off furiously to Asian porn. Close blinds. Finish coffee. So this must be what med school is like.
Just peed out a window, not entirely sure it's open. Can't tell. I'll find out in the morning.
If waking up at 6 50 pm every day and getting invited to go have sex as you wake up is what alcoholism is like I can get use to this.
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
Randomize
