wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
you say it like running around in your thong wasted is a bad thing
Quesedillas should not make me weep and drinking water should not make me feel like god is giving me mouth to mouth. Never again.
The bet was for naked jumping jacks. And it back fired, she just laughed at all the slapping noise.
I have a breathe right strip stuck to my forehead, several inexplicable bruises and I think someone tried to paint my nails with glue, but I still have my Santa hat. I'm gonna call this one a success.
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
He was just lying in his underwear like a present. I had to unwrap it.
I was telling everyone at the frat that they had to try the "fantastic refreshment" that was everclear, vodka and country time
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
He sent me a dick pic, and it had smeared lipstick on it. So I sent him the pic of my tit with the hickey ring your brother gave me.
slept with a 6'5 mountain man from Montana and then he played 'Girls Just Wanna Have Fun' on repeat..
Randomize
