We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
Now there are two cop cars. If I go to jail I just would like to thank you for making me wear boxers.
the number of desperate girls at the gym right now is unfair. it would be cruel not to let one blow me.
All I know is she walked in crying with a bag of limes and a bottle of tequila and has been locked in her room blasting lil wayne ever since.
Having a man strip on demand was an awesome way to start birthday. What more could a girl ask for? U the best!
Did you get an erection too during Paul Ryan's speech?
She said our goal is to fuck in every bathroom at the reception which is at a country club. I will have the best wedding date ever! Were 4 for 4 in public.
I am on top of a rooftop peeing on your freedom
Ok fine, yes she's pregnant. But you're ignoring the most important part. HER BOOBS GOT BIGGER. That doesn't happen every day, and I owe it to myself to enjoy those boobs before the belly catches up to them!
He will forever be known as the toe sucker who may or may not have been a father
Matched with the lumberjack. Here's your wedding invite.
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
You make me want to do things that I'm pretty sure are illegal.
she compared me favorably to her vibrator
which one?
Randomize
