Hard rock hotel, wtf why am i still out, im gonna fuk 5 chix 2nite .maybe
the third sister isn't as attractive as the other two but I will do her anyway to finally pull off the fabled family hat trick.
i'm at the point now where i want him to say anything. even an apology for his boomerang-shaped penis would be nicer than no comment.
Is there any way you can check to see if I have a warrant out in Alabama?
How much explanation does bbqsexapalooza need?
There's limited edition cherry vanilla nyquil. It's like they know how much I hate myself and they're giving me a consolation prize.
just went to my meeting with last nights make up still on, not wearing a bra, and the 14 shot tallies still on my wrist.. My advisor's questions should be answered as to why I'm not in my major yet.
Who cheats on Christmas eve? It's just asking for Jesus to hate you
I'm microwaving a frozen bottle of Two Buck Chuck while watching The Proposal with my housemate. I'm not sure what success is like, but I'm fairly confident this isn't it.
You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
You fed me pizza off a sword last night.
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
The highlight of my night will be digging in other people's garbage
When we sit on the couch watching TV, she always cups her hand around my balls. Not sure if it's a sign of affection or a "power play" to remind me just how vulnerable I am if she chooses to make an aggressive squeeze.
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