not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
Just cleaned up my puke with my lecture notes.
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Just watched a UNI fan at the bar lick the tears off of a KU fans face.. See what march madness does to people
For future reference, even the most well-intentioned game of whiskey pong is a terrible idea.
Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.
You may have noticed the broken smoke detector and melted carpet. We may have accidentally lit a ping pong ball on fire...I'm sorry, but we did our best.
He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
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If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
thanks so much for stopping me from telling him i want to have sex with him while i proceeded to hookup with the air.
Its not even real halloween yet. This extremely toxic yet briliant costume is going to kill me
There was a tour on campus today, and there were two girls i went to high school with in the group. They saw me and ran up to me as i was unlocking my door. when i opened it, kate was laying in a pile of glitter and beer cans. We need to reevaluate.
k. The important thing is we are going out. You are stones. I am mildly hallucenating.
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
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