My mom just asked me if I was gay in front of my gf
I don't know how it happened, one minute we were talking about Huck Finn, the next minute I was blowing him behind the corner of his apartment building.
Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
I got lit on fire and andy went to jail last night. Totally unrelated incidents though.
she walked out and i tried to get her to come back but i couldn't remember her name so i just whistled... future reference: that doesn't work
Well I tried to call you. I was convinced my body was made of wood. But the Xmas lights in my room helped
i was drinking at the bar last night with a guy with no bottom teeth, wearing zubas and a polka dotted hat. if that isn't the definition of wisconsin, i dont know what is
Ok, was I really fucked up or was there a chick from Norway in the ice cream shop teaching us Norwegian last night?
Just found weed in my belly button. Happy Saturday!
If you're wondering why you have playpen balls it's because we stopped at chuckie cheese on the way home.
There they were doing the deed on the beach, looked like two seagulls fighting over a chicken bone.
I think I just got drunk texted by my psychiatrist
Pussy, Peanut Butter Cookies,and Bubble Wrap
this bedazzled flask is my best investment yet
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