I think I'm going to die by hangover. I'm in my spanish class. So I guess I'm going to be muerte.
Almost thought it was a good idea to call his parents to thank them for having a son with an awesome dick. That high.
you were wandering around the street for like an hour singing "nothing but socks on"..an original you wrote after the 12th shot i believe
Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
You know, last years football game was epic, but seeing the same girl that gave you a bj in the parking lot, in the same parking spot...that's fate.
Please send me a thumbs up pic afterwards. No homo. After you've redressed and are heading for the walk of shame out of course
The internet is out at West Chester so I'm masturbating using my imagination. What is this, the fucking dark ages?
You know your acid trip is going well when the orange you're eating gives you a life lesson
Ok despite the fact that both you and I love dick we could have a great marriage
My vagina is officially offended.
My vagina has made plenty life decisions and I would like to point out very few if not any of them were in my favor.
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
oh he pulled my dick out. wanna come over after he leaves
GET OFF YOUR PHONE
Don't send me pics of cunning dicks while I'm eating potato chips
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