Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
I just woke up in the coolest sweatsuit i have ever seen..it has cory's name on the tag...do we know a cory?
I mean come on, he's the best quarterback in the state and doesn't even know how to put on condom
Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
stumble upon led me to how to make wine in prison, followed by wedding dresses. it knows my life too well
My walk of shame got a new perspective when I walked into his livingroom and found his roommate fucking some chick on the coffee table.
Just ate a whole pizza by myself. Wearing my indian headdress again. its really cool with the french braids. I look like fucking pocahontas or some shit.
You know you are 86'd from the legacy right? You can't down shots then spike the shot glass
It's like that thing with the devil and the angel except one shoulder has orgasms and the other has stuffed crust pizza and depression.
I seriously think I may just have to live here. In this bed. Naked.
Mom and dad should be so proud half of their children have gotten naked in the same local grocery store
Just found a note on the bed that said "Dear mittens, had to leave early I'll be back soon."
WTF? Are you mittens?
Well 1) stay calm 2) stay safe 3) drink more
Randomize
