So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
DDing is such a bittersweet job, just got the entire history of this girls hookup career
Dude, if she brings up the lube, you know nothing
....I found a picture of what appears to be the underneath side of the barstool (taken from the floor) and to top that, 9 pictures of the ceiling. Also, did I mention there's a picture with us posing with a pregnant lady at the bar?! WELP
Hold on, I gotta pump breast milk for the white russians.
Apparently you missed the drunkest me ever documented. I slept on the hardwood floor and left my pants on the porch to give u a frame of reference.
I just had a horrible epiphany. I have fucked girls younger than Star Tours
This text was so worth waking up to
Oh I was gonna ask you the same thing...? It's official ask anyone to see your husbands dick day.
I can make a sex schedule on Excel and send it to you guys
I just want to smoke this blunt and eat pizza rolls while watching The Price Is Right with you.
But of course I'm in. After all, what fun would the holidays be without trying to find the perfect gift to impress someone you've never met, but need the approval of??
Every time we have sex, I feel his dick ramming my soul into submission. Problem is..... I LIKE THAT SHIT!
It’s a prereq for med school, so I hope the professor likes blow jobs
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