I mean this holiday was built on cheap beer, shitty whisky, and processed meat... and I fully plan to honor that
i had to wake up at 4 am to do my laundry because I was afraid if I saw people in the laundry room they would judge me by the amount of clothes I had covered in vomit from syllabus week
I just had some guy offer to eat me out on my lunch break... I think single life is getting better everyday
He's the kind of drunk guy that would pee in your mouth while you give him head.
Burnt myself on soup.. consencus go back to hospl. they will lov me. twins in one nigh. still hve band on. fuck
STOP TELLING PEOPLE I PEED ON YOU
I am currently watching him baptize himself in a baby pool with a handle of belvedere while wearing a coral dress.
I want to have sex with him.
I think my nap took me to another dimension
I wound up running down the street in 12 degree weather in just my bra and then fell asleep cuddling my bottle. You tell me how last night went.
I'm going to three dry weddings this month. I'm flashing three dry weddings this month
He called me kiddo. We can't have sex
So I stole cocaine from one of my Tinder hookups
And that is the most millennial sentence I've ever said
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
he said to "slap him" after he guessed the time correctly. i did.
Just bedazzled a flask, while drinking out of it. Hot glue is EVERYWHERE.
Randomize
