worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
It was my birthday today and i decided that i am not checking my notifications on facebook so ill feel popular
Wrong number and your a loser
They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
She just took the bottle of jager to the bathroom and locked the door. Now I hear the water running..if the house floods she's paying for it
i'm not accepting baked goods from anyone for awhile. especially after the stalker pie.
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
Oh, and also, a couple of straight girls showed up. But they ran away.
we have what I like to call an assload of ramen noodles
You called me to pick you up from the bar at 9:00. When we drove over the speed bumps you put your hands in the air and pretended you were on a roller coaster.
I just want to be covered in whipped cream and spanked, is that too much to ask?
But I am still fully ok with my life choices as long as the consequences aren't onesies and pacifiers
I will most likely miss you the least and fondly remember you as Mr. "I need a minute" but really need 24 hours and 4 extra inches.
There are leaves in my underwear?
I am NOT losing my v-card to a guy who doesn't know my ass from my elbow.
Randomize
