Seriously, stop being so datable w your movie/song prefs
He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
When I said to shut up, I meant it. I'm sorry you have a bald spot now, but it was necessary.
I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
I've used my house key more to do bumps of coke than I've used it to get in my house.
do u know what happened to the bottles last night?
apparently we hid them.... i google mapped the location into my phone
wellllllll.... I literally just puked in my mouth so perhaps this is not the epic love connection I believed it to be 3 minutes ago.
He showed me his night stand drawer...it has one too many sex things in it.
Exactly how many...is TOO many?
I'd google it, but I don't really want my search history to say, "Name for masturbating on a flight."
My mother is even happier about me having a sugar daddy than I am
Like when I see him I look straight through his appearance and just envision a big walking penis.
she's the poster child for how alcoholism can be fun.
Jesus when did you leave my house? I found 2 bottles of wine, vodka, and a book with blow all over it wondering if I was read bedtime stories
So uh... Did you mail me business cards that describe my profession as "tortured soul"?
I’m literally naked drinking a beer and I gotta leave in 6 minutes for work lol
Randomize
