So it's like pop-o-matic trouble, but with penises
i did make 45 jello shots and that makes me feel more productive then any paper would
i was super drunk. to the point where i was putting shredded cheese on a fork, putting hot sauce on it then dipping it in salsa. it was awesome.
About six hours after the bottle of smirnoff, I was googling "losing your stomach lining" and calling my mom for help. She has experience.
he needs to stop knowing everyone on campus...it's making cheating on him really difficult.
Stayed out til 7 am.... Did u know there's a guy who goes up and down the quad at that hour playing bagpipes?
There's a man in a pumpkin/reaper outfit advertising a new head shop outside the Taco Bell. I love this town.
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
I feel like I got hit by a bus. A head on collision with my vag.
He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
Dude if i sent you a picture of the inside of my fridge would you be able to break down and explain everything that was in it?
She said I'm going to get you stoned and have you fuck me on the couch.
I mean, what's the polite way to say, "sorry but I can't date you cuz I'm sleeping with your boss" ??
I think I gotta smoke less weed, I'm getting to lazy to fuck my girlfriend
Tequila. The ruiner of all good intentions.
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