I feel like our house is getting pulled over.
I don't know what's more sad: The fact that he fingered the side of my leg, or the fact that the side of my leg feels like a vagina.
at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
PS Can you transmit a UTI to a sexual partner? I tried to ask, but the doctor just told me to abstain (sup Bristol) for my own good w/o answering
just printed 333 ways to get kicked out of wal-mart. hello thursday night.
Oscar is the man. He keeps getting pictures of hot nude women with messages in spanish saying "i hope you like it" sent to his phone
whose oscar?
the baller who i guess decided to give out a fake number at the bar last weekend. luckily that fake number was mine. i have enough porn to last me until next month.
I woke up to a text that said, "I can see you but can't get in." It was the pizza delivery guy who saw me passed out drunk on the floor through the front door.
This is breast cancer awareness month... The least we can do is give a stripper some singles.
That man gives me hope. I can't help it. And by "hope" I mean "wood."
I apologized for the whole SWAT team incident to the roommate.
So the guy I hooked up with during welcome week just tried to booty call me from across the lecture hall at 9am. I don't think he gets how this works...
What alcohol should i drink Saturday to completely hate life?
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
you need a warning label. Just announcing that you are Scottish is seen more as a challenge. Those guys have no idea what they are getting into.
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
Randomize
