CAN CRIS ANGEL JUST LOOK NORMAL FOR ONCE?!
So am i just your go-to 'i found a tick on my penis' number?
i've been thru my totinos phase. then after reading the ingredients and nutritional info i almost puked in my mouth. its like having the bastard child of pizza hut and mcdonalds invade your kitchen and start stabbing your digestive system.
and on the fourth day, god made foam parties.
I honestly wish you had parked the car in the terminal garage and fucked me in the backseat but I guess I should be more forward
I'm sorry you were dumb enough to get played by a male cheerleader
Your engaged. Stop telling guys you will sit on their face. They don't always know your kidding.
He only had napkins in the bathroom... no toilet paper. If I fuck him, am I settling?
sriracha body shots, that's gonna be a thing
it's like you just said "i want you to suffer"
Does it qualify as sexting if you're both pretending to be fictional characters?
I'm not sure whether to be proud of you or weirded out.
When I was hooking up with this guy last night all I could think about was if we were in Game of Thrones... I need to stop doing drugs
There's not really an emoticon that says "I'm sorry I honked your boobs, and that you weren't a fan of that."
All I remember about last st pattys day was I was in a bathtub with full bubbles, fully clothed, drinking out of a flamingo lawn ornament that someone cut a hole in.
How I know I've been single too long: I'm reveling in finding out my taken friends are being tragically dumped
If my vagina was a person it would have a bandage around its head and it's arm in a sling rn
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