Want to come to my BBQ and Blow party?
He went down on me and then slapped my ass saying "thanks for the confidence boost"... is this all I'm good for?
I need a $60 an hour job, because I have a $50 an hour drinking habit.
Just wanted to remind you that you literally cut the underwear off a man.
She's legit crying about wanting more sex. Holy shit.
It was insane. I was drunk for 11 consecutive hours. I woke up covered in almonds and there were footprints all over my shirt
I woke up to find my purse full of puke, and all I could think was not again.
Walt said he was feeding me so I wouldn't die. that's why there was pasta in my room
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
I may have to marry her. She is smarter than me and has a six figure job and doesn't want to have kids. All I have to be is a trophy husband.
All the drunken hookups over the last year are self destructing, at least something is keeping nursing school interesting
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
he is sitting in the driveway by himself laughing at nothing, idk what to do
This is very awkward but where is my dildo, Mom
I'm seriously scared right now. Woke up next to 3 geese and a lot of feathers ..
Randomize
