I heard we made out
every time I hook up with him I think about the fact that penicillin was a mistake too... and look how well that turned out. It makes me feel just a little bit better.
You probably shouldn't be hiding under someones bed listening to them get head
I'm going to leave the fate of whether I go to my midterms up to my dealer hitting me up or not
I will never swim in a flooded basement again..
How many bratwuest were you able to fit in your mouth at one time? It's me, Hans.
An we can hold bottles of vodka in our hands singing yo ho a pirates life for me
Its okay that he doesn't remember you, he only remembers girls by their boobs and I think you were wearing a jacket
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.
He didn't have much of a personality. But I had like 100 orgasms, so that's cool.
Did I, at any point last night, say I was dying?
Nah, we’re just sitting around talking about different kinds of boners
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
Randomize
