if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
My penis is bigger than his and I don't even have a penis.
he was like "finding out that arrested development was cancelled" bad
i'm at the gym and so are four guys who have seen my tits. i need winter break.
I'm a big fan of your penis but I will not sit through an animated movie dedicated to it.
I'd rate him "doable" on a scale from "ew, run" to "you should've already fucked him".
That's about an "8" on normal scales.
I don't remember anything past "we have 15 minutes to drink this keg."
He wasn't lying when he said he was immune to pepperspray. He pretended it burned for like 12 seconds and told the cops he was kidding he was alright. We'll be there soon.
I just found a wine bottle in my shower. Must have been a good night.
Me ending up in the fetal position in my shower is becoming far too commonplace. It's like a weekly therapy session
It's not that he's ugly its just that being blind folded makes everything less awkward
The plan is that you eat an edible first, then pressure your dad to do one. You know you are down.
If it makes you feel any better... I have a friend who found out her mom was in the video for 2 Live Crew's "Pop That Pussy"
If you set your screensaver to be a slides show, make sure you remove dick pics first. This lesson 1 of living with your great aunt
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