Now hope fervently that she'll do it quick and cheap, just the way i like it
Went to mcdonalds... Wishing I could throw up the last 20 hours of my life.
We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
It was an igloo shaped doghouse, I was obligated to hotbox it
iPhone photo doodle is awesome. I gave my vagina some lazers and sent it to him. He has a whole series waiting on his phone for when he gets off the plane.
Just threw up in nordstroms while shopping for moms bday with dad. He distracted workers for me. No more tequila
Petting the cat and listening to "you've got a friend". This is why I smoke weed. To make sense of situations like this.
You'd be so proud. I have the flu/sore throat, so I've tied a scarf around my head and I'm microwaving jagerbombs. Let it never be said I'm not commited.
I'm gonna be a few minutes late, some asshole just fell off the ferry so we had to stop.
Your stories are the best. I feel like you're a spy among the heteros. It's not fair.
We were drunk having sex and I knocked over her bedside table/fish bowl and she jumped off to check if her fish was still alive but she made me pasta so it's cool
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
You can't just drop that I might be walking into a foursome and leave it at that
I’m really regretting these suede pants.
So he apologized for peeing on my floor.. then we fucked all night.
Real classy
Randomize
