Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
you know its bad when everytime i put on a shirt i think of who i hooked up with in it
Land Before Time marathon. we drink every time littlefoot almost eats a treestar.
I don't know if it was his cologne or his Jesus hair, but he was much more fuckable than last time I saw him.
Now that I think about it, it may have been the 6 pitchers of beer.
according to the video, you won you first drunken karaoke contest based off of your actual singing abilities and not because you took your shirt! I've never been prouder :)
did you know gatorade and rum go really good together
Are you doing depressed science again
maybe
Nothing like drunkenly buying a pregnancy test at 8 am to get out and realize your nip was out the whole time.
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
wait. i have to tell u something. and it has nothing to do with dildos or spiders
don't worry dude i have your phone, text me when youre gonna come get it
Someone puked in my crockpot. Your friends can’t come over any more.
I apparently sent an offer letter to, and then subsequently onboarded, the wrong candidate. How's your Monday?
Randomize
