I just put a picture of what I imagine Rob's dick looks like on it on my vision board. thank you Oprah!
How do i write this on his wall without making it sound like he gave me an std?
Whatever you do to me, stop, I found yet another blonde hair in my asshole.
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
Why is there blood and lettuce everywhere?
WHAT DO YOU MEAN I DIDN'T APOLOGIZE? THERE WAS A PEACE OFFERING MADE VIA TACO BELL.
you came here, splled a bunch of margaritas, hung up a picture of yourself and then left
I can't find the keys to get out of my front door, there are random socks in my bicycle basket and I can see a plastic handle of cheap vodka sitting on my porch. oh, and my head just broke u with me.
I got shot at today. If that doesn't get me at least a blow job I give up working on the south side
I choose McDonald's breakfast at 1:28am over sex anytime
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
I'll have to text you later. Trying to have civilized conversations with the boyfriends parents when I'm 100% aware I just blew their son in the bathroom 5 mins ago. Stay tuned.
Sex should not remind me of how baby birds get fed
My fuck it list is complete! I finally got a firefighter!
My dad just invited me to smoke a blunt with him. Parent-child bonding at its finest (and highest).
Randomize
