for on dont try to tell me you love me after three weeks of talking, for two if you are going to do that stay away from the song lyrics to a very good country song that you happened to ruin by using it, and for three erase my number im fuckin your sister now
how drunk was i? i pretended i was getting a blowjob from a fuckin dolphin in front of my dad. thats how drunk i was.
stalking is really helping my grade.. I followed him to a review session tonight
If we went to a costume party as Batman and Robin I would go as Robin, that's how much you mean to me
Just had to return the shit I stole from the dining hall, with everyone watching...apparently there ARE consequences for being drunk, coked up and belligerent.
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
We couldve played the bring a random boy to lunch game but i made him go home
And we're now at 8 people from the office coming to my desk to ask me "do you feel better?".
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
SOMEONE WITH THE TWITTER HANDLE "METHLAB" FAVORITED THAT PICTURE
i just found my fake in the snow. LIFE IS AWESOME
The only people allowed to make me cry are myself and Chris Hemsworth as Thor. And me.
I just don't know how to say "I want to have sex you with before you graduate" in a classy way
The cat hopped on my bed and watched me masturbate naked with a vibrator. I've never felt more sorry in my entire life
He’s definitely circumcised. There’s not enough room in those speedos for a foreskin with that fire hose he’s packing.
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