So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
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Feels weird sitting between two guys who've had their heads between my legs in a 24 hour span.
Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
After he came inside me, he made us hold hands and pray that I wasn't pregnant.
i just masturbated in footie pajamas. there's no judgement here.
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
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Were not alcoholics, were just impatient for fridays
as he was bent over the toilet, he turned to me and said "barbarian kyle is much stronger than regular kyle" and then went right back to puking.
Being sober is no fun. Karaoke and not wearing pants are not socially acceptable things to do anymore and this depresses me.
I'm not sure why he thinks weird that I masturbate AND look at pinterest at the same time.
Hey every now and then can you tell me you want to fuck me to boost my confidence? Thanks.
My hands smell like penis... I can't even remember the last time i touched a penis, but my hands say i did. Oh the mystery.
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