Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
Be here at 3:30. We'll find out how much beer can fit in a Mini Cooper.
well if I unknowingly shoved my hand up someones ass, I'm glad it was yours
andd if someone unknowingly shoved their hand up my ass without me knowing, im glad it was you
Well, at first I was really confused. But then I realized that he was talking from his penis's perspective... in third person.
I do. There's a bald headed guy whose kinda hot. I might rub his head. I've only had 2 beers
I just realized that my phone was set to Brazilian time...what the fuck happened last night
now that you've tased me I refuse to buy you flowers
The chips are stabbing my teeth, and I can feel the muscle under my mouth contracting.
I just watched the lion king for the first time in years. It's like the equivalent of a really good blow job.
The bong is packed and it's taco Tuesday come over
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
No it was fine, I've just never seen that many people eat dog food
The more I piece together last night the more I want to vomit it out of my brain.
How do you clean puke off a stuffed bear?
Just so you know. And I'm telling you this because I care deeply for you. Blue raspberry poptarts taste exactly the same as the regular raspberry ones.
Randomize
