hey. who tried to drive me home last night?
not sure. we got lost. what do you mean "tried"?
i'm still in their car. parked on the beach. no one else is here. i have on different pants.
New Jersey isn't a real state, it's just a myth you tell little kids to scare them like Canada or Carrot Top
she woke up, said "please dont tell me your name, i dont want to remember it"
The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
I don't even want to talk about it, I'm traumatized. Even the dog knew to take advantage of the most intoxicated girl at the party...
disregard all texts ive sent you minus taco motherfucking bell
its coolsest when we hear the beat in our water bottles. and the likghts are in his eyes now. oh holland
I think being an adult is being able to say no to free shots...I need to work on that.
She came to the party with six kegs and a life sized portrait of Lavar Burton. SHE WILL BE MY WIFE.
You slid down the wall and got into the fetal position. He was definitely judging... I was judging....
Crying while I'm pooping. I think this is rock bottom
i'm drinking soco out of a mickey mouse cup right now. i love it when college and my childhood meet in the middle.
so then the cop took one last hit off our blunt and then drove off in his car and we just all stood there thinking, yea... that just happened...
Woke up. Found about 20 condoms upstairs. A hole in the couch. Bread on the floor. Going back to sleep.
My roommate just angrily told the cat he should have knocked, but that's not lockdown madness. They're always like that.
Randomize
