my boobs are a 3G dead zone. as soon as i take my phone out of my bra, it has a signal again.
She told me that she had to rub her face against me because she was part cat.
what part of covering your puke with shaving cream seemed like a good idea?
my text book just quoted the cookie monster
Are they hot? And are the slutty? These are my concerns for any wedding. You say yes, and yes, I will be your best man
You were rubbing sand all over yourself and everyone else and claiming you were "EXFOLIATING."
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
He turned down jacuzzi sex. He cares more about my vagina than i do.
Thanks man, but unless some hot chick comes in to work with a case of beer and offers me a head job, I'm pretty much screwed for New Years
Remember when I peed in the trash can in the ATM room last night?
Never thought I'd say this, but thank god for my blackouts.
I left your tip in your mailbox. Last night was amazing.
I paused the movie when the delivery guys arrived, and while they were assembling the bed, one of the guys pointed to the tv and said "why so serious?" And it made the whole experience happy.
It's 4 am here and I just vomited myself awake....Not rising OR shining any time soon
Like what? And no, shrooms cannot be party favors.
Stereotypically, lax bros last the longest, but have huge egos that are annoying. Baseball players barely last 10mins, but are really nice. And than we have soccer players, last long and have no egos. Me and my friends have collected our findings.
Randomize
