When your really high you cant order into a clowns mouth
What's your middle initial? I need it for the census. I put us down as "unmarried partners."
Oh my god... you're gay. Ps, its A.
No no. According to the 2010 US Census, we're gay.
Dude i think i got lasagna in my eye
In hindsight, buying 4 different kinds of vibrators at once may have been a little overenthusiastic of me.
He told everyone he was freezing their keys so they couldn't drive drunk. When I opened the freezer this morning, my keys were at the bottom of an unfrozen ice cream tub of vodka.
Mom just texted me to see if it was you who was streaking at the Mariner game... Did you accept yet another $1 bet?
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
Don't linger or you will get sucked into spending the night. Remember the mission mantra: GET OFF
Do you have any pix of it limp? I wanna see the metamorphosis, like a cock caterpillar turning into a giant beautiful cock butterfly!
Well pulled into the driveway, and there she was. Kinda like a Vegas version of the mint on a pillow
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
I have to go buy generic plan b after work. I don't even leave for the new semester for another 11 days. I think I just leveled up in sluttiness
The struggle bus has heated seats and stops at Dunkin on Friday mornings so I'll be okay.
Drunk is not a location!
HIS DICK IS GLORIOUS AND I WANT TO RIDE IT TO VALHALLA
Randomize
