dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
saw my dad's penis on the x-ray last night. at least his hip wasn't broken
He washed my hair whilst I gave him head in the shower. Bored or gay?
We found her on a strangers doorstep chanting "I know someone will let me in" it took 2 of us to drag her to the car.
Oh my God, that is a gorgeous man. And I wasn't even gay until five minutes ago.
she came back from her house with A paper cut , a 2liter of sprite with Bacardi , and half a mustache . we're inviting her more ofte
We can put you in charge of something
I can be in charge of being more wasted than anyone there so everyone feels comfortable being ridiculous
"You can go raw dog up in me". Exact words. I can't decide whether to run, or fuck. Help.
I lost the back to your old name tag last night in a girls shirt. It got me a view of some titties though, I guess in some way you're still doing your brotherly deeds
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
I want falafel more than sex right now. That's really saying something for me...
seriously considering getting an electric blanket rather than sleeping with guys this winter for warmth.
Lol for real, I'm Kylie Jenner "this is my year of realizing things" right now
Blacked out and showed everyone my nudes. They toasted to my nudes, and I got an outstanding ovation.
I quit doing blow for him. If that doesn’t say “I’m in love with you and want to marry you” idk what does
Randomize
