I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
Im so sleepy and hes snoring super loud! i just wanna suffocate him, sleep, and deal with the body when I wake up
I told my boyfriend my favorite food was strawberry poptarts, now my email inbox is getting spammed with nude pics of him with his dick in a poptart box..
just bailed mom out of jail. Tell me i'm not the favorite child
Just went through the drive thru and got 18 free donuts in exchange for half a joint. Dunkin Donuts at midnight might become a nightly thing for us.
that beer fried lasagna last night was sooo good
that wasnt beer fried lasagna, you just poured beer on my lasagna
I am now the only person in my apartment who hasn't had sex in my bed.
Hefty paycheck and not get wasted can't exist in the same night
I'm on the struggle bus
just ordered a number 1 at a fast food restaurant that doesn't have numbers
I told him to pick up the beer can he threw in front of the police station. So he gets out chugs whatever's left and throws it back and says ok let's go.
Operation: pick up a lawyer was a resounding success. Commence operation: football mugshot weekend
Cover your peen. We're going out.
Let the healthy eats/juice cleanse begin. Today is day 1
Have you cleansed yourself of the boy yet?
im pretty sure i tried to use axe body spray to cover up the strong urine smell coming from my jeans. im also pretty sure that it didnt work.
Wow first he impregnates you then he won't send you the sex tape you made together? Where has chivalry gone?
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