My mind said no, but my drink said yes.
My mind says no, but my body says yes.
What does your body say about chlamydia?
she'd have to be at LEAST a cup size bigger for me to even consider putting up with her voice
I jsut got pulled over and passed the sobritaty test.
Good thing spelling doesn't count.
I'm walking home wearing Kermit the frog footie pajamas, carrying a monogrammed shot glass set with my name on it. It's fucking Christmas!
Had a dream I beat up niall then madeout with him while snorting coke out of a dragons egg
I'm pretty sure I have enough material at this point to start a blog called Guys I've Banged in Pictures together. Why does this keep happening to me!
I was convinced to buy a man thong.
But it's Armani so it's okay.
God I just out gayed myself.
Dude. There are selfies on my phone of me, wide-eyed, sucking my pillow. We did NOT split that bag 50/50.
Other than trying to finger me on the couch in the middle of the bar a few times, you were fine.
there's people who respect me enough not to bang on my bed and i think that's beautiful
She's officially a Tinder poltergeist.
I almost accidentally threw him out a window during sex last night.
their motto was "the first one to get arrested wins" so of course today was interesting
Sorry I drunk. I wouldn’t eat those pancakes. I think I put glitter in them.
Randomize
