I can't believe believe she called me a slut. She doesn't know anything about me or my life.
Shit, that's something a lot of sluts say.
he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
A picture just appeared on facebook. I am puking in the toilet, you are next to me puking in the sink. I think we have our christmas card.
I was the last girl at the bar last night. It was like a battle royale between 10 guys.
ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
He ate shrooms at 9:30, said, "see you later," and left. I am alone on New Years.
But I do cardio so I don't get winded during sex really it's not like I'm trying to lose weight
As soon as the clock wound down to zero, she declared "HALF-TIME HEAD" and pulled down my pants. After the swallow, she said "BEER CHASER," got me a new one, and asked if she could make me a sandwich. Pretty sure she's lobbying hard for a ring.
You know it was a weird week when you have a mystery bruise and youre unsure if it was from crazy sex or getting bit by a duck. Life.
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
I felt I lost my designated buddy on a field trip when you wandered off to get high with strangers.
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
Ehh, the third backed out. Two still isn't bad. Who gets a bootycall to pick them up from a bootycall's house anyways? Only me.
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
Randomize
